FAQ

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Frequently Asked Questions

Myths vs Reality

Common myths and the realities.

MYTH: Once a battered woman, always a battered woman.

FACT: While some battered women have been in more than one abusive relationship, women who receive domestic violence services are the least likely to enter another abusive relationship.

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MYTH: Alcohol/Drugs cause battering behavior.

FACT: Although many abusive partners also abuse alcohol and/or drugs, this is not the underlying cause of the battering. Many batterers use alcohol/drugs as an excuse to explain their violence.

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MYTH: Batterers are violent in all their relationships.

FACT: Batterers choose to be violent toward their partners in ways they would never consider treating other people.

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MYTH: Middle and upper class women do not get battered as frequently as poor women.

FACT: Domestic violence occurs in all socio-economical levels. Because women with money usually have more access to resources, poorer women tend to utilize community agencies, and are therefore more visible.

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MYTH: Domestic violence only occurs in a small percentage of relationships.

FACT: Estimates report that domestic violence occurs in ¼ to ⅓ of all intimate relationships. This applies to heterosexual as well as same-sex relationships.

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MYTH: If the victim didn't like it, she would leave.

FACT: Victims do not like the abuse. They stay in the relationship for many reasons, including fear. Most do eventually leave.

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MYTH: The victim is responsible for the violence because she provokes it.

No one asks to be abused. And no one deserves to be abused regardless of what they say or do.

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MYTH: Domestic violence is a "loss of control."

Violent behavior is a choice. Perpetrators use it to control their victims. Domestic violence is about batterers using their control, not losing their control. Their actions are very deliberate.

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Questions About Leaving

Many victims of domestic violence ask these questions about leaving.

How do I keep my Abuser from knowing I visited this website?

For Internet Explorer users, see: http://www.microsoft.com/windows/ie/ie6/using/howto/customizing/clearcache.mspx

For Firefox users, see: http://support.mozilla.com/en-US/kb/How+to+clear+the+cache

For Safari users, see: http://www.ehow.com/how_2033308_delete-memory-cache.html

If using a smart phone: Got to "Settings" and scroll to either "clear all history" or on some phones "privacy settings."

 

Our services are available twenty four hours a day, seven days a week for residents of Mitchell County, and residents from other locations that have been referred through a Domestic Violence Program or the victim calling.

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Where do I go?
  • Go to a domestic violence shelter with your children. The staff there can help you get legal and financial help as well as provide counseling and emotional support for you and your children.
  • Stay with a friend or relative, if you feel it is safe. (Remember innocent bystanders can be at risk too)
  • If you are a woman, do not stay with a man unless he is a relative. (Living with a man you are not married to could hurt your chances of getting custody of your children and spousal support. It could also cause conflict with your abuser.)
  • Or call 911 because it is a good start.

 

Your life and your safety are most important. Trying to bring your children with you is important. Everything else is secondary.

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Can I take my children with me when I leave?
  • Yes. If you can do it safely, definitely take your children with you. It may be more difficult later.
  • Get legal custody of them within a few days. This is very important
  • If you do not have your children with you, it may be difficult filing for temporary custody of your children. The parent who has physical possession of the children may have an advantage getting temporary custody.
  • Your partner may try to kidnap, threaten or harm the children in order to get you to return.
  • If you are in immediate danger and cannot take your children, contact the police immediately to arrange for temporary protective custody. (This does not mean you will lose custody. Permanent custody will be decided later by a judge.)
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Are pets allowed at the shelter?

Yes, we have limited facilities to house your furry loved ones at our shelter. 

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